I don’t like what I do.
But I’m good at it.
Here’s what worries me: “We spend most of our effort trying to learn to do things for which we have little talent…” Muller wrote that.
Who is Muller? I don’t know, but what if he’s right? Well, then I’ll be stuck doing what I’m doing for a long time. And that stinks.
Actually, Muller is a physics professor at the University of California at Berkeley,
He might know what he’s talking about. And if so, then the very things I put great effort into may be a colossal waste of time: writing, music, photography and being creative.
My job is void of anything resembling a creative opportunity. Yet my mind seems to be in a perpetual state of idea generation that provides absolutely no benefit to what provides my pay check.
Let me back up a second. As this is my first blog entry, it would probably make sense to explain the name “functional lunatic”, who I am and what I will accomplish on these pages. I have – how can I explain it – a mental instability that I think is the root of my creativity. And the more I allow my thoughts to be unleashed, the less my instability is “activated” and it eventually dies down. So it’s a manageable cycle. But if I don’t find an outlet, I start along a path of self-destruction.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a postal psycho – I have a good job in a very professional atmosphere. And I function just fine in it when I’m balanced. In fact, I’m an expert at fooling those I work with into thinking I’m quite normal. It’s the only way I’ve gotten as far as I have.
In the last 8 years I’ve written 4 novels, a collection of poetry/short stories/prose that I refer to as a “life story” and composed over 150 songs. I’ve also recently become very interested in taking pictures. I need to create. I’d love to spend more time creating. But for financial reasons I’m stuck doing what I don’t like to do. I’m sure there are many others who can relate. What can we do other than just continue embracing that spark whenever it comes and just be thankful it comes again?
I also think it is natural to believe what has been created is objectively “good.” Why wouldn’t we? It has greatly pleased ourselves. Why wouldn’t it also please others? It is that question that makes me strive to put my stuff out there, to try to give others pleasure, to try in earnest to accomplish the goals of providing adequately for my family, but to also feed the lunatic within.
But then along comes Muller. And I’m afraid he’s right…
So here I am, a functional lunatic that feels a need to write. And I write well – in different styles, for different audiences: technically, tenderly, jaggedly…furtively. As a degreed mechanical engineer and IT professional, I have enough technical knowledge to conceptually develop my ideas with some detail – but I’ll leave the physical manifestations to the real experts.
My plans are to write sometimes about my day to day experiences as a functional lunatic. Other times I will write with a technical bent to explain my ideas for extending communications and social media. Or I’ll just write about what happens to be on my mind on a given day. Either way, I hope for lots of feedback, involvement and interaction.
Hmmm, 612 words. I think that’s enough for my first entry. So please enlighten me with your experiences, comments, feedback on my links, your thoughts in general.