How to Get More Twitter Followers (and Lose Them Immediately)

Face it. Trouble is coming for me...


Trouble! Oh! Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble.
Feels like every time I get back on my feet
She come around and knock me down again
-Ray Lamontagne

When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
– Paul McCartney

Ray and Paul know what I’m talking about.

Someone said to me last night, “you get in a lot of trouble, don’t you?” I laughed, because I don’t really. Except for recently – it does seem to be finding me more. Whether it is Stop ‘n Shop parking lot skirmishes with senile veterans, insane mothers on the sledding hill, new bosses that are way too intrusive, or little pricks named Daniel Dalpiaz that claim to be Group Fitness Managers at the Lifetime Fitness in Berkeley Heights…trouble is finding me.

(Yes, passive aggressiveness is my usual style of conflict management. One day, good ole Danny boy will Google himself and find this and try to remember who it was that he pissed off that one night in the family locker room. Well, from what I’ve heard, Daniel, you may have trouble remembering this incident because you’ve mistreated and pissed off so many other people.)

I don’t look for trouble. In fact, when it comes, I get extremely uncomfortable and usually say or do something I regret. But I don’t look for it; and there seems to be something lately that is drawing more conflict into my life than I’m accustomed to.

I think I know what’s going on: I’m just getting to that age where I realize I’m not going to take shit from anyone anymore. If you call that looking for trouble, then call me guilty.

You might ask at this point what this has to do with Twitter and getting followers. The answer is…nothing. I just really wanted to put the words “Twitter” and “follower” in at least one post title. It’s part of my SEO strategy (mentioning SEO is also part of my SEO strategy). Is it a little dishonest? OK, it is. Maybe I’m just looking for more trouble.

A few days ago, I wrote a post that mentioned the seriousness with which I view integrity and hypocrisy for myself and in the upbringing of my children. And to be hypocritical on the topic of hypocrisy would be…well, hypocritical. So in the spirit of all that is good and forthright, I will dedicate the rest of this post to the topic of Twitter and my experiences and strategy to attract and keep moreTwitter followers.

Here’s an interesting story: I recently celebrated my 100th Twitter follower by incorporating that person into the next blog I wrote, Karachays and Coffee. It was a girl @worldofamina from an eastern part of Europe that I had never heard of, Karachays. The whole exchange was nice and she appreciated it. But immediately after that, 2 people stopped following me. I don’t know what spurned them. Maybe it was all the talk about followers, which ironically is a huge turn off to many Twitter users. So I found myself once again below 100 followers and needing a couple more to get back to that elusive mark. It was actually @worldofamina that pointed this out to me and she offered to have her sister follow me to fill that gaping hole and vault me back up to 100 again. So now I will fulfill my obligation of working my hundredth follower into a blog post:

 
 

Zuhra Ashakova

Shout out to @zuhalovemusic. Zuhra loves music and just can’t live without it! She is an artist, a student – and hopefully future landscape designer! She also follows Jim Carrey, Shakira and Alyssa Milano – ahem…like me

It’s a shame every interaction on Twitter can’t be so “engaging.” But Twitter users are a feisty and prickly bunch and that’s how real life is too. It is actually a compliment to the technology that it seems to so closely model behavior in the real world. You’re welcome, Twitter…

As I thought about my 100th follower in 3 weeks of really trying, I considered ways to get more. As with photography, quality does come with numbers. And over time I believe that those with similar interests (my blog) and who are interested by me (and my blog) will get teased out. It will be interesting to see how my experiment goes. Check back in to my blog to see in the future.  

I’ve looked into a couple “techniques” like repeatedly following and unfollowing the top 10 users of Twitter which supposedly keeps you on the top of these ultra-popular lists and very visible to thousands of users reading about them. Another was getting to the top of Sebastian Gibson’s “1000 People That Will Follow You Back” list … So there I am, currently at the top of his list. This technique seems to be netting a significant number: 30+ in less than 24 hours. But paying for followers seems a lot like paying for friends – something everyone’s mother always taught them was a no-no.

I also found a cool site to monitor your own stats for free: TwitterCounter.com. Here are my stats. You can easily add yours by adding your Twitter account where “LessonsofLunacy” is in the link: http://twittercounter.com/LessonsofLunacy?t=r

A good way to make people feel bad about unfollowing you is this website. Yesterday, using this site, I saw that a user @bratneyspears had unfollowed me. I immediately confronted this person via a Twitter mention where I asked in Spanish why they had stopped. @bratneyspears denied the unfollow – and immediate re-followed. I pretended that the whole incident was faulty technology, but I know what was really going on. I’m looking at you Adolfo Hach.

I don’t see how I can get into trouble in the Twitter world though – although I did kind of insult my followers in a post last Sunday called, Twitter, Wagon Monkeys and the Social Genius Solution. A follower immediately called me out on it (which was surprising) and I panicked, fearing isolation for even my internet presence. But it soon blew over, because I was actually correct in my instigating statement.

John Frusciante's "Niandra Lades and Usually Just a T-Shirt

I would have liked to end this with another Beatles or Ray Lamontagne lyric about trouble. But all that’s in my head after a deep exchange with Twitter user @I_Devour_Pussy is a title from John Frusciante’s first solo project after leaving the Red Hot Chili Peppers – for the first time – “Niandra Lades and Usually Just a T-Shirt”: “Your Pussy’s Glued to a Building on Fire”. Inspiring stuff. Really. I’m not kidding.

Hope that last paragraph doesn’t get me into any trouble.

YvF

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About Yorick von Fortinbras

YvF is a writer, musician that stays sane by being creative while navigating the demands of life, looking for those holes where a spark can get through.
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4 Responses to How to Get More Twitter Followers (and Lose Them Immediately)

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  2. Pingback: Is that a Beef Jerky or Are You Just Happy to See Me? | The Functional Lunatic

  3. Pingback: I’m a Prick – How Did That Happen? | The Functional Lunatic

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