I made a pact with the devil when I was 10. Well, I don’t think it counts as a “pact” because there was never confirmation.
The only confirmation I’ve had is a life whereby nothing has ever truly gone terribly wrong. I’m healthy, my family is healthy, I have a degree of success in my work; I do seem to have good luck.
But at what point would I actually consider – at what level of success would I actually start to attribute that success to my pact?
I still remember it – but only as a child’s folly. Is Satan understanding of that? Would he take advantage of a child? Why would anyone put that past him?
Should I be worried?
There are rock stars that have made pacts. But how many failed rock stars and writers also made pacts and without success just continued on and forgot about it all?
I have never followed any ritual or routine. I didn’t know if there was one. I didn’t even remember where I got the idea to make a pact with the devil. But I did it. And I meant it. I was 10 years old.
I can’t even say I actually believe that one can make a pact with the devil. I don’t believe in “good” or “evil”. They are just words and subjective categories of actions.
I will go to sleep tonight for the first time in many nights and wonder what I have done…wonder if I’m in need of salvation, cleansing…something.
Perhaps I might even worry a little. But Visions of Johanna will keep me company tonight…